Insider Trading

I worked on a fellow massage therapist this week. I'm still new to the profession, so I always find myself feeling unsure and nervous when I start out working on someone that in my head I'm sure is so much more knowledgeable than me and is judging my every move and stroke. She was perfectly nice, helped me get the perfect spots, and gave me a couple of tips.
The nervousness I feel around advanced bodyworkers is part of a bigger thing in my head. Why would someone pay me full price for a massage when there are other people more experienced? I go back and forth; I think I give a good massage and while I may not use advanced techniques, I put my heart and soul into my sessions and really care about giving the client what they need. That intention and beingness are important and help me feel proud of my work.
Working on her made me realize just how much I still have to learn, though... and how much I need to get work by other, more experienced therapists rather than relying on the school clinic massages I've been getting. I'm at the point now in my career where I know I need work, in fact my lower back has been screaming for some work, but I have trouble relaxing in session. I want to remember what the therapist is doing, analyze how I feel as they perform their techniques and try to remember techniques I want to steal.

Random

I worked on a new client a few days ago. She was about my age and sportily clad. She had excellent muscle definition and as I was working, I found myself wondering what her fitness regimen is, and if it would be inappropriate to ask. I never did bring it up. I know that's pretty tame, but it seems like I'm often wondering something while my client is on the table.

Counting my lucky stars

Had a client yesterday that made me realize that no matter what I think I've been through, things are a lot better than they could be.

She has a college-age son; he should be looking forward to spring break and doing all the things that kids his age do. Instead, he lives at home and is nursed full-time by his mother while his body recuperates from over a year of chemo and radiation from his first cancer which has led to leukemia. He is neither physically nor emotionally able to handle the treatments the new cancer requires... and so they sit and wait.